Parashat Ki Tetzei - Deuteronomy 21:10 - 25:19 

Rabbi Mark S. Kram, Temple Beth Or 9/13/08

Sometimes, the Torah can be a little, shall we say, explicit.  This week it addresses the subject of a rebellious son.  Now I know, there have been times (of course not in my family!) where we may have thought about a Toraitic-type chastisement for a bad deed done by our kids.  However the Torah is clear and direct:

Here is the punishment for a “rebellious son” as proscribed by the Torah.  Chapter 21:18 says:

^“18 If a man has a wayward and defiant son, who does not heed his father or mother and does not obey them even after they discipline him, ¹⁹ his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his town at the public place of his community. ²⁰ They shall say to the elders of his town, "This son of ours is disloyal and defiant; he does not listen to us. He is a glutton and a drunkard.²¹” Thereupon the men of his town shall stone him to death. Thus you will sweep out evil from your midst: all Israel will hear and be afraid.

Darn right they are afraid!  However, the Talmud says that there never was a rebellious son executed by the court. 

So how do we raise our children?  What instruction does the tradition give us?  First, there are no sure-fire rules of education that apply to all children at all times. A Midrash tells us that it is easier to raise a legion of olive trees in the Galilee, where the soil and climate are not conducive to growing olive trees, than to raise one child.

I agree!

The phrase, "he does not listen to our voices," suggests that to be deemed a rebellious son, both parents must speak with one voice (not voices) (Talmud). Both parents' guidance must reflect the same values, and they must be consistent in their instruction. If the parents do not speak with one voice, their child cannot be deemed rebellious, because the blame for his rebellious behavior is not his alone.

The Zohar teaches that when an individual appears before the Heavenly Court, God inquires whether he educated his children properly. If the answer is affirmative, God refuses to accept any more testimony against him, for the merit of guiding his children properly overshadows everything else.  This message is particularly relevant as we prepare for the High Holidays for there is no greater merit for the Day of Judgment than having raised a child properly.

(Source material from Aish HaTorah)