Failure to use our time well

Rabbi Mark S. Kram

 

 

What can we learn from the HH?  How will the experience of being in services for many many hours together actually change us?  How will it help us alter our behavior?  Will this 10-day period from, RH thru today, have an impact upon us and make a difference in our lives?  Can we ready ourselves to “begin again”?  Can we look at this past year and forgive ourselves for our errors, mistakes, faults, our slip-ups, our oversights or missteps?!  How to use the holiday to ready oursleves to begin anew?

 

Among all of the sins we’ve committed, will we recognize our failure to use our time well?  

 

1.      Al het shechatanu l’fanehcha “for the sin which we have committed against….You, God…” - For the sin of rushing

2.      Al het shechatanu l’fanehcha - For the sin of multi-tasking

3.      Al het shechatanu l’fanehcha - For the sin of not planning

4.      Al het shechatanu l’fanehcha - For the sin of not paying attention to those we love

 

For …Rushing:

 

Time is a funny thing.  We say that we never have enough of it.  We say that it flies.  That it is lost.  Unrecoverable.  Irreplaceable.  We ask ourselves daily, “Where has the time gone?”  And time seems to pass even quicker the older we get.  I hear my parents’ say, “Where have the years gone?”  And my friends and I are beginning to repeat that sentiment as well.  We rush through our lives, sometimes at breakneck speed.  Each of us hears, “I’ve got to stop, and catch my breath.”  I understand what that means when it comes to running a 26-mile marathon or doing a spinning class, but if that is our reaction to our day-to-day lives, something is wrong.  Very wrong. 

 

Don’t raise your hand, but I’d like to take an informal poll.  How many of you wake up to start the new day with your heart beating already at 100 beats per minute – even before you get out of bed?!  Some of us feel stressed from the moment we wake up, even sleep restlessly through the night – wrestling as Jacob did, with our own “angels” or “adversaries” as the Torah says. 

 

A few years ago, I managed to carve out some time for renewal for myself.  Besides a great camping trip, part of my time off was spent fulfilling the prescription given to me by my wife Mindy, which was to take a course on stress reduction.  She thought that I “might” need it going in to this next stage of my career.  So for a period of 8 Wednesday nights in May and June, she and I attended a course in “Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction” (a mouthful).  (I did attend most of the sessions.)  Let me tell you, the idea of attending an 8-week class on stress reduction was stressful enough!

 

But, seriously, through the practice of meditation, I have begun to learn that I can quiet my inner self (which is generally running pretty fast), and attempt to focus on now.  At the end of the class, as a sort of graduation, we were invited to attend a “silent” retreat.  Yes, a “silent” retreat!  When it was announced, I thought that these folks WERE out of their minds!  Silent retreat?!  I debated about going (or not going) for 3 weeks.  And only the night before, did I decide to give it a try.  (It was cheaper than going to India and an ashram.)

 

So for 6 hours one day (it happened to be Shabbat), I didn’t speak.  The instructor spoke to us, but we were prohibited from any contact at all with others in the class – no talking, no eye contact, nothing for the entire 6 hours!  I couldn’t imagine how I would feel or what I would think for 6 hours in the middle of the day – ANY day, being that quiet.  [It was, by the way, a great experience!]  One of the “wow” moments of the day happened at the beginning of the retreat.  The instructor gave each person wearing a watch a sticker to cover the watch face (and obviously, therefore, the time).  The sticker said one word: ‘NOW!’ 

 

What a concept!  To stop thinking about what time it was.  To stop thinking about how much time has passed or how much time remained before the next “thing”.  To focus only on the present moment.  “NOW!”  I must be honest, it wasn’t easy.  Our minds take us in so many directions.  (Our minds continue to be busy even when our bodies are at rest.)  But the instructor said that as our minds wander off every which way throughout the day, that we should, without judgment, pull our thoughts gently back to the present moment.  This comment was and continues to be important to me.  At this class, during this practice, the emphasis is on the moments of our lives.  And mostly on the present moment.

 

A couple of years ago, Ana Suarez wrote in the Miami Herald that in Denver to counter stress in the workplace and in the community, that there was an initiative on the ballot which would have the city set up community wide stress-reduction measures.  They would include: natural foods in school cafeterias, soothing music in public buildings and mass mediation sessions.  I believe that initiative has enough signatures reflecting the reality of stress – everywhere.

 

This year, could we try to slow down?  Experience the moments?  Enjoy a talk with a friend, a spouse or a child, for Shabbat or a part of it?!   For the sin of rushing through our lives, God, forgive us, pardon us, grant us atonement.

 

For the sin of Multi-tasking:

 

I knew what it was when I was in college or early in my career – doing several things at one time.  But only with the computer did we coin this new term, which allows us to perform different tasks simultaneously.  We are able to turn on many programs at once and “surf” between them: WORD, EXCEL, OUTLOOK, the Internet, accounting programs, and so on.  Multi-tasking allows us to navigate between each, and share information among programs.

 

Multi-tasking has been elevated to an art.  A respected skill.  You and I have been encouraged to become better at this, and not only on the computer!  Have you ever peered over your child’s shoulder when they are “Instant messaging” “IM-ing” their friends? [while DRIVING!!}– of course, not close enough to actually READ the text!  I am amazed, because they can have a dozen or so conversations going on at once.  I just can’t keep up.

 

Women are expert at multi-tasking.  In many cases, they have 2 jobs: one at home and the other at work.  Whether it is “the morning marathon”: the process of waking, exercising, preparing lunch to go, and dinner for that evening – all BEFORE breakfast!  And then running off to work, only to return home at the end of the day to the multitude of tasks and responsibilities awaiting them at home.  It’s not that men don’t help, but the “lead” is usually in the wife’s hands. No wonder people feel generally harried, in a bad mood, telling our friends, “we don’t have time for this or for that”.  We don’t have time to focus – seemingly on anything.  We simply add to our already heavy schedules with more and more and more.

Even at work, we do more with less.  The NYTimes described the real effect of the last several years of living in a shrinking economy.  The Times spoke of how an effect of the recent economic slump was not primarily due to loss of jobs, or downsizing, but rather because of slower hiring!  The result?  In the workplace, there is more to do by fewer people to do it!  No decrease in responsibilities, but an increase in workload for those remaining.

 

My wife, Mindy, and I walk nearly every morning in the park near our home.  It’s a peaceful walk, beginning early when it is still a little dark.  We tend to see the same neighbors every day.  There is one woman who walks around with a cell phone to her ear, yes, even at 6:15 in the morning.  During our 45-minute walk, we see her usually once or twice, still talking, phone attached to her ear.  She doesn’t turn off the phone to even enjoy an exercise walk.  You’ve no doubt heard about the health clubs, which outlawed the use of cell phones while on the equipment – people were falling off equipment and hurting themselves and others.  Come on already!!!

 

And each of us has seen drivers doing the unimaginable on their morning commute: on their cell, either shaving or putting on makeup, writing notes to themselves and all of that with hand motions.

 

Rather than alleviating some of our stress, by giving us the feeling that we are accomplishing more, multi-tasking leaves us feeling harried, hassled, stressed, and beleaguered.  In the evenings or weekends the antidote is to collapse on the couch or in bed.  Ah, but then, another marathon.  Getting everything we didn’t do during the day or during week finished during the evening or a two-days of a theoretical hiatus.  (And that is if you DON’T bring work home to do on the weekend!)

 

This year, can we give ourselves permission to perhaps de-task rather than multi-task?  Try to do one or even two things at a time, rather than 3, 4, or 6?  For sin of adding stress to our lives by multitasking….pardon us, forgive us, grant us atonement.

 

For the sin of lack of planning/devaluing our time

 

Ever hear the saying, “If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will get you there”?  Without having clear, well-defined goals, we may feel like we’re moving forward, but we’re not.  Of course, circumstances DO occur which shower upon us good luck or opportunities that “come from nowhere”.  When I was in high school, I taped a note card on the lampshade next to my bed, which said, “Opportunities are the crossroads between hard work and good luck.”  You and I must expend the energy so that when an opportunity presents itself, we are ready.

 

With our busy lives, when do we find time to plan, to think, to prepare, to invest in ourselves?!

 

One of the messages of YK is that time is running out.  For us, for our loved ones, and our friends, for everyone.  And most of the time, we are not even aware of it.  We don’t know when we will no longer be inscribed in the Book of Life, and move on to another reality, a reality closer to God.  We are not provided advance notice.

 

A humorous story traveled around the Internet that many of you no doubt saw.  In it, a question was asked of a priest, minister and a rabbi….

 

Q: When you are in your casket, and friends, family, and congregants are
mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say?
A: Episcopal Minister: "I would like to hear them say that I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."
A: Catholic Priest: "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful teacher and a servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."
A: Rabbi: "I would like to hear them say, 'Look, he's moving'."

 

Isn’t that our hope – that we could hold on to our lives, and the lives of our loved ones and our friends as long as possible?!  That we had another day?  Another year? 

 

Look around.  Who is no longer sitting next to you this year?  Who in the row behind, who has sat in the same seat “since I can remember” is gone from our presence at this annual anniversary of taking accounting of our lives.

 

Many years ago, a wonderful book was written entitled, All I really need to know, I learned in kindergarten (by Robert Fulghum).  I would like to share a biblical version of that story.  It is called,

 

Noah's Ark: Everything I need to know, I learned from Noah's Ark…

 

1. Don't miss the boat.
2. Remember that we are all in the same boat.
3. Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
4. Stay fit. When you're 60 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
5. Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
6. Build your future on high ground.
7. For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
8. Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
9. When you're stressed, float awhile.

10.                          Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.

11.                          No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting.

 

For the sin of living unplanned lives, O God, forgive us, pardon us, grant us atonement.

 

And lastly, for the sin of not paying attention to those we love:

 

A good friend of mine offers a special prayer each Friday night at the Shabbat table, following candle-lighting.  For my family and me, it beautifully sums up some of our aspirational hopes and focuses on that which should be the heart or core of our thinking – it centers us on Shabbat.

 

He begins: 

 

“May the warmth and light of these Shabbat candles sustain us for the week to come.  May we, like these candles, be a shining light for ourselves, our family, our friends, and our community…  May we always remember those people whose presence graced our lives and who are no longer with us.  Such as [names are mentioned]  May we remember that like these people some lives can be very long, like grandmas and grandpas/abeulos and abuelas……, and other lives tragically short, [like …. ] that each and every day of life is a priceless gift to be treasured...” 

 

Is there a more profound or insightful message to remind ourselves of at this moment, and this time at the end of our 10 days of repentance?!  That not only are the days of our lives important but that the moments of our lives are important and should be treasured?!

 

Each moment IS a gift.  A special treasure to be prized, invested and spent well.

 

I’d like to share a story with you which captures the essence of what we’ve been speaking about – it’s entitled,

 

THE GOLDEN BOX

The story goes that some time ago, a man punished his five-year-old daughter for wasting a roll of expensive gold wrapping paper.  Money was tight, and he became upset when the child pasted the gold paper on a box as a gift for him. Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift box to her father the next morning and said, "This is for you, Daddy."  The father was embarrassed by his overreaction the day before, but his anger flared again when he found the box was empty. In a harsh tone, he said, "Don't you know, young lady, when you give someone a present there's supposed to be something inside the package?"

The little girl looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "Oh Daddy, it's not empty.  I blew kisses into it until it was full." The father was crushed. He fell on his knees, put his arms around his little girl, and begged her to forgive him for his unnecessary anger. 

 

An accident took the life of the child only a short time later, and it is said that the father kept the gold box by his bed for all the years of his life.  Whenever he was discouraged or faced difficult problems, he would open the box, take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there.

In a very real sense, each of us has been given a golden box filled with unconditional love and kisses from our children, family, friends and from God. There is no more precious possession anyone could hold.

 

So friends, here’s the reminder: hold on tight.  Use your time to make a difference, improve the world, your neighborhood, your family.  Give your friend that extra support needed at their moment of need.  Your co-worker help to shore up their work, their lives.  Look at what you have and consider your life – look hard, and examine well.  Don’t rush through your life – enjoy the moments.  Do try to do only one or maybe two things at one time this year.  Do some planning.  And for God’s sake, and ours, pay attention to those you love.

 

That way, I’m sure; this will be a good New Year!   AMEN