Learning with Josh - December 5, 2008

Sermon 12-5-08  “Learning with Josh”

Rabbi Mark S. Kram, Temple Beth Or, Miami, FL

 

If I haven’t told you yet, I believe that parents have a key job among their “parenting roles.”  And that is as MEMORY GENERATORS!  Grandparents too!  Creating and instilling permanent memories for our kids or grandkids (and for ourselves) is a legacy of inestimable value.

 

As parents, Mindy and I were always looking for things to do with our kids that would produce those memories.  Camping was a favorite activity of our family.  Setting up the tent, gathering wood, relaxing in beautiful settings – with our own particular camping customs – were all part of the ritual.  On one particular camping trip, the boys & I traveled to the boundary waters on the Minnesota-Canada border.  David, Josh and I were outfitted for a 5 day trip – carrying tents, all our food, a pump for fresh water in 2 kayaks and a canoe.  The campfires, the quiet, the peacefulness of the forest, the water and especially the company, was incredible. 

 

The night before our trip ended, it rained.  My tent leaked and I started to get cold and wet.  So we piled into one tent and huddled as the temperature dropped.  Shivering & giggling together.  When we woke up the last day – and it was May – it had snowed!  We froze as we packed up and paddled back to our “put out point.”  While the cold and wet experience of that trip were short-lived, the memories remain alive, vibrant and warm!

 

It was a trip we’ll always remember.  A wonderful way to connect with my sons and to nature.

 

Lea, our daughter, asked me to be her first basketball coach.  And I happily acceded.  The problem was that I never played basketball, nor did I ever coach before.  But for 4th graders – how difficult could this be?  VERY.  We didn’t win a single game – not in regular or post-season.  But, for my girl…..

 

A couple of years ago, our family had an idea – to find a project to do together during our 2nd son, David’s, senior year – to create some “final” passage memories.  Something that would keep us together in a meaningful way.  Making something, but MORE, spending time together, this being his last year as a permanent resident of our home.

 

We decided to build a kayak.  With a $10 set of plans from Boys Life magazine – I never skimp! – we began our work.  What should have taken only a weekend, took almost the entire academic year to finish – with everyone’s hand in it.  I’ll never forget the first time David and I put it in the water.  Standing in the canal at Coral Reef Park letting the kayak slowly into the water…it floated.  I asked David, “Do you see any water (inside)?”  “No,” was his reply – and we looked at each other – the REAL FINAL TEST – and smiled – actually cheered!  We still use the boat and it works very well! 

 

A friend’s son who heard that sermon, liked the idea so much that he approached his dad for their project.  A little more ambitious, they bought a Model T  that actually ran.  They disassembled it and now, with the young man graduating from college this year, some 5 years after initiating this project, the car is almost complete – with, I’ll add, professional help.

 

The idea was noble – find something to do with your kids or grandkids – young, adult, what does it matter?  And DO IT!  Create those memories.  Strengthen those connections.  Build those relationships.

 

This year, at High Holidays, our oldest son, Josh, asked me to study Torah with him.  WOW – right between my eyes!  You can imagine as a rabbi what that means.  Not surprising, because of his interest in Jewish learning, but a WOW nonetheless.  So we began a couple of weeks ago.  (You’ve got to schedule it or you’ll never get to it.  Set a regular time and proceed.) 

 

I cannot describe the feeling of studying with a child, even a nearly 30 year old adult child.  The saying, “For everything else, there’s MasterCard,” doesn’t even come close. 

 

At the end of October, Mindy and I traveled to Rhode Island to spend a weekend with 3 of my classmates – rabbi friends and their wives – friends from school and Hillel work.  We always share what’s going on in our lives, and I told them of my new study partner.  The host family brought out a booklet in honor of their rabbi who recently retired.  In it was contained a story he recorded on “This I believe – on R.I. Public Radio.”  The theme was very surprising: Rabbi Alvan Kaunfer wrote about Torah study for years with his OWN son.  Let me share it with you, here is how he described his experience.

 

He began, “I believe that ancient texts can come alive and open windows into our lives. 

 

“Every Sunday night I dial up my son in NY from my Providence home & we study an ancient Jewish text together.  We’ve done this now for more than 10 yrs.  Whether he’s in NY or in Jerusalem, we find a way to keep up this study ritual.  For that hour on the phone we are transported back into academies of old and we are all of a sudden thrust into a conversation with 3rd century rabbis living under Roman rule.  We grapple with their philosophy of life, often clothed in story garb.  We travel the ages of commentary sometimes asking an 11th century scholar what a 3rd century text might have meant.

 

The rabbi said, “I believe that in these ancient texts are embedded eternal messages and profound human meaning.  It matters little to me whether Adam and Eve were real people.  To me, that story speaks volumes about how men and women relate to each other.  It reveals the meaning of good and evil and the consequences of human free will. 

 

He continues, “… I believe that we all have our ancient texts that root us in traditions and connect us to each other...  It is for each of us to discover our ancient texts and to delve into their meaning for our lives and relationships.  I believe these texts are windows not only into the ancient past and their ideas, but windows into ourselves and our own lives… 

 

“And I believe the meaning of these texts is revealed in dialog with others.  When I discuss a text with my son I always ask questions to which I do not know the answer.  What comes out of these dialogs is a set of novel and exciting ideas which never occurred to me.  The interpretation is in what each of us brings to the discussion.  What emerges is a new and grander meaning - windows into each of our lives and innermost being. 

 

“Each week my son and I do more than connect to the text and their moral gems, we also connect with each other.  One of my teachers once said, “When I pray, I talk to God, but when I study, God talks to me.”  I believe that when I study these ancient texts, a Divine voice calls out to me from the echoes of the past, drawing me into my own present.”

 

How does one study?  First, approach study as equals – whoever you are.  I’m not Josh’s teacher.  Ask questions you don’t know the answer to.  Bring yourself – who you are – not who you think you’re supposed to be.  Come “as you are” – where you are at that particular moment in time.  Seek real answers to your real questions.  Search.  Asking an 11th century rabbi to answer a question raised by a 3rd century teacher, OR a 50 year old mother to a 15 year old teen.  A conversation between the generations and the ages.

 

Or introduce study to your Shabbat Table - after all your Shabbat table is an altar: best dishes, best foods, special tablecloth, Kiddush cups, hand washing bowl, candlesticks, raisin challah and challah plate.  Elevate the conversation at the table – make it less mundane, talking about how the issues or challenges of our world affect or impact on us.  What guidance do the rabbis give?  How do their words inform our lives? 

 

Our lives are flooded by news: CNN, TV, radio, the internet and other sources so that we know what is going on in any part of our country or the world at any time.  A seemingly endless flow of information pressing on us, forcing itself through alerts on our phones or computers at all times. Opening ourselves up to dialog with our kids, spouses or partners using holy texts – Torah, stories, a magazine article, a blog from the web, or other writings from Jewish sources WITH OTHERS can elevate our lives and Shabbat, and enrich our experiences.

 

The other day during our study, Josh and I came across a phrase which I had read always in a perfunctory manner.  This time, it was different.  What did it mean when God said during the creation story that He created the 7th day, comma, ‘vayekadesh oto,’ “and made it holy”?  I had read that verse 100’s of times before.  But that single phrase at that particular moment stood out for me differently.  Maybe because Josh and I were participating in a “holy act” of studying.  We paused for a few minutes discussing his and my thinking as to why the Torah made that statement in that way.  What does it mean for God to inject holiness into a day?  What was God’s intent (forget during study whether this is “only” a story and not real)? 

 

The hour on the phone ended, but the glow didn’t.  [PAUSE]

 

I can’t wait til Sunday night!

 

Shabbat Shalom!